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Collective Dipsomania

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Joy! [15 Apr 2010|08:50pm]

sly_girl
[ mood | just tipsy ]

You know what's awesome? When you're just drunk enough to think "Hmmm ... that bottle of champagne needs opening, and I like champagne, and I'm not that drunk," and sober enough to think "That's a really bad idea," and you make a conscious decision to let the drunk side win.

*pop*

6 olives| It's martini time!

Bah [13 Mar 2010|06:32pm]

sly_girl
[ mood | blah ]

Sorrows don't drown, the fuckers float.

It's martini time!

! [17 Jan 2010|05:09am]

sly_girl
[ mood | bed! now! ]

Holy shit, it's 5am! When did that happen?

It's martini time!

Shakes on a plane [28 Sep 2009|10:24pm]

alcools

(Crossposted a little)

 

I will be on another long-haul flight on Wednesday,and so I am starting my new LJ journal life by sharing with you my philosophy of on-board alcohol consumption.

There are those who say no to drinking in the air. Even at this early stage in our relationship I suspect you'll guess I am not of their number. Really, when you're contemplating 8 or more hours of airtime, a pop or seven is pretty essential.

In the good old days they understood the need of a man (or woman who could hold her own in the hostelry) for a bottle of scotch and a steak, and 20 full strength ciggies when crossing the Atlantic. For fuck's sake, even Amelia Earhart was on the double vodkas and red marlboros the second the chocks were away. (Probably.)

Which makes it harsh that nowadays they will barely even let you on a plane if they think you've had a few, and certainly won't if they think you're planning on having a few more. Sure, there's a miniature or two in it for you, if you can wait for the trolley to make its murderously slow progress to your aisle. But you just try going for a third! And two is hardly enough to inebriate a capuchin monkey.

There's only one solution. You've got to drink your own. But at the same time you can't get caught. Here's what I do:

When I arrive at Pearson Airport (or wherever I happen to be embarking from), as soon as I can I go straight to the duty-free shop. I buy 2 litre bottles of scotch. Bell's if I can get it, otherwise Whyte & Mackay or J&B. I then go to the magazine shop and buy two half-litre bottles of coke. I bear my booty to the bathroom. I find a vacant cubicle and lock myself in. I open both the cokes. I tip out a  third of the contents into the toilet in each case. I fill the coke bottles with as much scotch as possible. This comes to approximately 1/3 of a litre. I screw the lids back on to all the bottles. I turn the coke bottles gently to and fro, to mix the scotch and coke. I stow the scotch safely away in my carry-on luggage. I'm ready to rock and roll.

My cocktails (I call them 'coke bombs') look just like straight coke. I take endless nips, getting first pleasantly glowy, then extremely drunk. If anyone smells it on my breath, they probably don't guess what I'm up to. They'll think I just stopped for a couple of at the departure lounge bar, which is 'allowed'. I am usually passed out for the duration of the flight long before I've finished my coke bombs, or even got into a movie. Luckily I am also usually still toasted when I wake up and disembark, enjoying the last part of the journey in a blissful delayed alcoholic haze.

I like spirits when I have to do stuff, since I generally manage to remain relatively articulate and capable - until I pass out that is. No one has ever called me for being a drunk on a plane. Although, now I come to think of it, one girl did reseat herself somewhat abruptly after I plonked myself down next to her. Maybe she just can't stand devastatingly handsome Englishmen with a hint of grey at the temples? These are deep waters. I'll just mix myself another while I sit and contemplate the mysteries of the universe, and muse pleasantly on this and that.
It's martini time!

The Carlisle Castle, Newtown [26 Sep 2009|11:55pm]

murphus
The lino on the floor of one of the locals is the same as that in our place. Except theirs is dirtier - a simile that was only true until today when we happened to mop our floor. Bless.
4 olives| It's martini time!

Blah! [03 May 2009|12:09am]

sly_girl
[ mood | grurbl ]

Burbl wurbl durbl gerbl!

2 olives| It's martini time!

oof! [20 Sep 2008|11:38pm]

sly_girl
[ mood | a mite tipsy ]

9.6 standard drinks, you say!

My horoscope today said I should broaden my horizons. So I bought a bunch of Czech, Belgian and Polish beers. And then I drank them.

2 olives| It's martini time!

Look! A thing! [29 Jun 2008|12:13am]

sly_girl
[ mood | what do you think? ]

Hey, kids, your dear old Auntie Halo am teh inebriated!

2 olives| It's martini time!

[27 Jan 2008|07:54am]

thurizaz
[ mood | hammmered, ]

Hi!
mmmm ...thanioyure! .... Fun time s wrere hjad.

....bye now

HAppy Butrpday to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Found founf my phone!!!!! A e.

It's martini time!

[20 May 2007|03:22am]

murphus
[ mood | surprised ]

No-one is a bad dancer.

1 olive| It's martini time!

JUSTIN, HEY- O [14 Apr 2007|08:46am]

spark_au
None of that dancefloor brought sexy back.
It's martini time!

[03 Sep 2006|07:55am]

spark_au
Livejournal. BLARGH to the lot of ya.
It's martini time!

Frozen moments [30 Apr 2006|06:45pm]

sly_girl
[ mood | a little tipsy ]

You know that moment where you're too drunk to make sense but not drunk enough to fall in a quivering, vomiting heap?

Hehehehehehe.

It's martini time!

[02 Apr 2006|04:16am]

thurizaz
[ mood | drunk ]

You know...its nop untill ya lose the abitlity to walk that ya truly miss it.....

I like titties...and booze. T^hop I dpnt have any of either here......I could do with sdome foods too.....

It's martini time!

[26 Mar 2006|01:33am]

murphus
[ mood | amused ]

Champagne tastes better when it's red. It's less.. champagne-coloured.

6 olives| It's martini time!

[04 Mar 2006|05:40am]

thurizaz
[ mood | drunk ]

CHEESE!!

It's martini time!

[12 Feb 2006|04:43am]

thurizaz
[ mood | drunk ]

You know when you get to the point where you have to close one eye to see...........yeah........ummm...*spat*

It's martini time!

That moment... [04 Feb 2006|04:36am]

thurizaz
[ mood | drunk ]

The one where youre happy...relaxed. Youve fed. Youve had a ciggy or two. You lay back and that slight numbness reaches yer feet... There aint much that beats that..

Gods I love Johnny Red...

It's martini time!

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